de facto.

So after a few months, things have grown and changed, I don't know if its for the worst or best, but I'm certain that frustration is taking its place. Attempted to become patient I have. She's clueless on how serious I really am with this relationship that I have been trying to establish with her, but it almost feels as though as it is impossible to find a state of equilibrium or equipoise. I have swallowed my pride and obliged everything I am for her; sacrifice. Do not misinterpret what I have conveyed, I do not intend to humiliate, she is an awesome person inside and out and she has done many vital things as well, consistency is what's missing. It is blurry on the other side of the tracks and still I am oblivious as to what her intentions are with me. Through pain and anguish, I have stuck through with her, she doesn't deserve to go through all that, so I avoid everything which could lead to hurting her; I care too much. Although when it ascends to a zenith in which it is too much for me to handle (ironic because nothing is ever too much for me, its always ok), then I will have to set my demands and standards only if she is willing comply within them. If not then so it goes. Words are words and I am starting to become immune to them, I'd rather indulge myself in blank sheets of prescription paper. It all starts with thoughts, as thoughts become words; words become actions; actions become habits; habits become character; character becomes destiny, and destiny is LIFE. In my assertion, it halts at words and thoughts. Sad as it is, it is what I feel. It is like an unsigned check; worthless. Actions have more effect than words. As raw and as harsh as this post is, it is whats REAL, it's what is needed to be heard and not what wanted to be heard; no sugar coating, nothing. It is how I feel and I apologize if I'm lying. To me she equaled MC SQUARED, and everything else was mathematics, I always took my time to practice. SMH